my life

23rd august 2011

2011-08-23T06:55:00.000-07:00

this few days been wondering, does he still love me or not... but then today i realize that every relationship has its bottleneck.... just like exam, we have to work hard on it... so i'll work hard and save my relationship... if my relationship is dull, i'll make it interesting and fun.... no matter what, i'll try hard and save it.... then i'll have no regrets.... after all, i still love him and will still continue... so now, i'll start my saving plan^^

22nd august 2011

2011-08-22T06:39:00.000-07:00

is been 10 month i didn't write anything on my blog... cuz i was happy that time... now i'm sad again... hiez.... ever since saturday night i have a fight with bi, my heart brokes.... never knew that i'll be a burden to him... never know that i'm an existing pressure to him... even tho we are still together, i'm just like a desperate wife that dono wat to do to save the relationship... i was lost, very love. No doubt that i love him... even tho he hurt me a lot, i will still want to stay in this relationship... sometime really feel that i'm a bit dummy=.= maybe is karma.... i hurt a lot of my previous ex and this is my turn... u will never know how it feel when things changes and u dono why is it change.... i know i'm partly responsible to it but why? why when i wanted to start a long-term relationship, when i wanted to be serious on it, it does not go smooth... i really feel sad tho... seeing him on fb but cannot chat with him or if not he'll don't like it.... when i feel sad, i cannot call him or else he'll think that i'm useless and get angry... i really try very hard to maintain this relationship.... i know that sparks will go away one day... i know that love will go away one day but i did put on effort to work this relationship out.... If there is God, can u tell me why are u giving me such tough life.... why can't my life go smooth.... i did my very best... i don't mean to be clingy but that's bcoz i like him and i'm doing it in a normal way.... i didn't know that he hate me so much.... i really feel very sad.... i really hope that all the prob will gone as soon as possible... relationship suppose to be happy, but i'm feeling sad everyday...

26th oct

2010-10-25T10:06:00.000-07:00

time flies.... is been 3 month since the last time i wrote my blog... well, i've move on already... with someone i love... maybe he's not a sweet talker, definitely not a romantic type of bf... not neat, not sensitive, a bit caring.... but then, fate set us together ever since beginning, so i've already see him as my only one right now.... but then sometime, i do wish he'll become who he is back when i first know him... cuz this is the reason why i fall for him.

tuesday

2010-07-06T07:57:00.000-07:00

is tuesday, one week after i finish my exam.... guess what, i'm getting over it fast.... is a good thing.... although i did feel a bit sad when i went to mid valley today as i went with him to mid valley 2 weeks ago.... brings back some of the memories as when i walked pass some shops i recalled that i walked pass this shop with him 2 weeks ago... but then, eventually memories fades.... as there's no longer image in my mind anymore... which is a good thing and a good sign.... well, i really don't know what he's thinking.... maybe one day, i'll find him out and have a long talk.... a good one.... after all, we are still friends... well, let's hope that next tuesday it will be even better.....

wednesday

2010-06-30T09:10:00.000-07:00

is Wednesday, well at least i didn't look at his facebook picture today..... but then today my mum said that i have a very very very bad tempered this few days.... i wanted to ask my mum: what can i do.... in order not to let you call him and ask him, i have to pretend that i'm the one that hurting him and i'm the one that don't like him anymore..... do u know how it feels when u are moody and sad and u have to pretend that u r strong and act nothing..... well, i admit, i did invest a lot of my feelings in this relationship.... so, is my fault, no one to blame for..... what i want to do now, is to ask him out and settle everything..... i don't know how can i cope it if he told me that he don't like me anymore.... at least, i'll feel heart pain, and eventually soon i'll let it go.... better than now, don't know anything and struggling.... i think i'm the only one that is struggling..... karma.... this is how i treat my ex last time.... =.= so i hope that when i meet him, he'll tell me straight that he don't love me anymore.... at least, i can move on my life...... God, pls bless me.... thanks.

sharing......

2010-06-29T09:46:00.000-07:00

is Tuesday...... 2 weeks after i met the fellow=.= i finish my exam today... all done..... but then few days before, i felt a bit sad and empty...... even though i didn't show it out.... but when my surrounding is quiet, memories flash back.... the two weeks memories is like 2 yrs=.= wth..... i can manage to concentrate and finish my exam.... but then i knew that i really like him..... so if that is his choice, I'll respect his decision and life goes on eventually..... after all, if u like a person, doesn't mean that u have to have the person with u.... we're moving in two different line...... i didn't know that i actually invest so much feelings in it..... but i didn't cry... luckily... just feel a bit heart pain, that's all.... and i tend have the habit to look at his picture=.= sigh, need to quit this habit..... anyway, i believe it will only continues for 1 weeks plus.... after that, everything will back to normal... well, good luck to both of us...... we'll still be frens no matter what happen....... i wonder what my feelings be the next time i see him..... hopefully i've already let it go..... finger crossed....

year 2009

2009-12-26T07:30:00.000-08:00

is christmas.... the last time i wrote my blog, should be one year ago....... what i like to share here is that, i own a happy life right now. everything is over, i have made through the toughest part.... now, the brand new sara will continue her life. no more look back, no more regret nor sad..... from time to time, i realize that what i gain is actually more than what i have lost.... the happiness, the time to spend with family and friends, every moment that we share, every friends that i have made has replace what is so-called once regret in my life, and disappointment. thanks to a friend that had taught me: don't keep on remind yourself about that issue, forget about it. well, i guess is a blessing to know single 4. anyway, having break now, i hope that the old sara shall be gone forever, what matters now is how the new sara will brings up and create her own future. it is ok to fall down, this is a process towards success, what matters is it is always your choice to create another road when this road is block. well, i think i'm back. we'll see how it goes, 2010.

love,
sara see

something i would like to share

2008-07-25T08:35:00.000-07:00

hi, is been quite some time since my last written blog..... well, almost 6 months i would say..... well, i would say, the tough time has already pass and the good ones is yet to come..... i miss every of my friends from sydney... i miss mel, chris, ran, kristen, op, martin, vina, nicole, jon, bennedict, daniel... is a blessing to know all of you as friends.... It is the greatest gift from God. i was always being bless by God for the past 19 years... have a supportive family and friends, get into the uni that i wanted, and bless with a lot of love. But everything has change in November 2007. i couldn't remember the day that change my life, but i could remember it was the day of my first exam. I nearly faint during my exam, it really freak me out as what comes into my mind is RM40,000 gone. my uni fees per semester. and then i was admitted to hospital. the doctor actually diagnose me wrongly. i always thought that i've viral infection, but in the matter of fact, is not a viral infection. it was something way too much for me to accept. after that incident, i was mad at God, i'm angry why will he treat me like this? why is it being so unfair to me. after all the way i have walk, after all the effort i've put. why must i quit my uni? and then, i notice, is because God wants me to learn to view my life in a different way. to see life in a different thoughts and to take away my burden. but until now, i still can't really let it go. my dreams of graduating in UNSW, i wish there will be one day, my wish will come true... a wish for living in australia and a wish that time can turn back and give me one more chance to finish whatever i haven't done in australia. i cried on kye li's farewell, because most of them that came are going back to overseas. i'm the only one being left out... i hereby review all this to you all is because i hope that there will be one day when you gone through a tough time, you will think, everyone have their toughest time and if they can make it, it won't be a problem to you. if you think you are unlucky or you are suffering, always have a look at your surrounding. look at those that is handicap and those that suffering in africa. giving out some love and help may save a person life, don't waste your life, do whatever you can to help others.

live a life where u never think of.......

2008-04-03T22:22:00.000-07:00

every human like us always dream of living a live without worries and problem..... where u can relax everyday and do whatever u like..... the reason why we can't choose the life we want is because of reality and being realistic.... humans are symphathetic sometimes... they always follow the word 'greed' where money controls them instead of they themselve controlling the money..... money is what created by human..... but it ends up money leading human towards the darkest side.....( greed i would say) there was once i read a book..... it said, human was born to the world as a baby without anything so when they grew up, they earn as much as they can...... and they would even feel that is not enough even though they earn a lot than others..... and so the hole of greed getting bigger and bigger...... and when ageing appear, only they will n otice what they have miss...... and till the day they die, they bring away nothing but a heart that full of regret......

i myself, never think of letting go and giving up..... so is really hard for me to climb up when i fall down..... cause we always plan our future before it happen and we always expects things will turn out as what we expected...... so when something come and block our way, we tend to destroy it instead of letting them to block our way towards the future path.... but sometimes, we often forget that we, ourself are humans.... and there's always a limit beyond everything.... so, when things turn out of our expectation, it'll eventually pull us down.....

and so, what i learn from my lesson is that, on the day, after u let go ur burden and everything, u'll find out that u have miss a lot in your life.... ur family, ur frens, ur happiness, and the world....

so, ask urself, how much money would u want to earn until u feel that u r reach enough to stop working???? the answer is infinity..... when a person become wealthy, mostly, greed will eventually increases.....

every problem have their own solution....

2008-02-04T09:58:00.000-08:00

today my friend suddenly ask me that: when is the last time you ever saw your mum laugh happily... i told my friend: sometimes my dad tell her some joke, she will laugh... but my friend said: not that type of laugh, is that type of laugh where it comes deep from your heart.... the kind of laugh that contain happiness and without any stress..... then i start to think.... never in my life i saw my mum laugh happily.... is just the same as when we grows up, the time we feel stress getting more and more.... sometimes, i feel like being back a kid..... live without any stress, problem.... but in reality, as we grew up, things that we have to worry getting more and more.... normally what i do is, everytime when i have any problem, instead of feeling stress, i will find an answer and solve it..... for example, if you feel stress of failing your subject... just ask yourself, what can you do if you feel stress?? can you pass if you feel stress??? what you can do is study hard and avoid failing the subject.... even though if you fail, earn back the money and study again.... learn from the lesson and tell yourself that failure is the path towards success.... if you fail, it doesn't mean is the end of the world..... is just something that you have to gone through in your life and learn how to accept it, how to be better.... how to improve.... not just worry but do nothing.... so every problem have its own solution to solve it.... if money can solve it, it wouldn't be a problem anymore....

my current life.....in sydney

2008-01-10T06:26:00.000-08:00

is been a long long time since the last time i wrote my blog.... i nearly forget my password and email to log in... anyway, cause i'm busy...... n i'm not depress anyway.... yeah.......just a but worried about new session exam... T.T life is so stress... why do i have to think about something that doesn't exist....omg.......

anyway, i'm going back to malaysia soon..... haha.... oh btw, i really miss every1 of u..... kristen, mel, vina, op....etc.... lol..... yong as well..... anyway, gtg..... feel lazy to continue...... bye

miss malaysia

2007-12-02T20:41:00.000-08:00

sigh..... first time in my life i miss malaysia.... i miss mamak, chicken rice, nasi lemak, penang laksa... yum yum.... hehehe, malaysia, here i come..... wait till i go back, i'll start my food schedule.... lala

yesterday was talking to my friend, according to what they said, sabah and sarawak is an 'ulu' place as in remote area, the food taste bad... birds won't even fly to that place to lay their eggs.... poor chris, every1 eating nasi lemak, chris can only eat nasi putih, we drink teh tarik, he drink sky juice..... pity the fellow.... ahaha....

oh yea, back to my topic..... ever since the stupid exam, i felt damn homesick..... haya, i think i won't feel that homesick if there is a wii waiting for me..... so, vina... we're best friend..... so, you should know what to do..... @.@

a piece of joke....

2007-11-30T00:39:00.000-08:00

was thinking, someday maybe in a sudden, i'll meet some1 i like then we'll date, engage, wedding.... but ever since after my exam.... i don't feel like having a bf right now.... just feel like concentrating on my studies..... i know there's a blance between relationship and studies, but i'm thinking how if one day during the exam period, i was sick, will my bf just put down everything and come to keep me accompany?? will he be able to solve my problem when i feel stress??? if he can't do that, why do i need a bf?? having a best friend will be more realistic than having a bf..... but, there will be one day, when i meet the right one, i shall change my mind... or maybe i'll stay as single forever... choi... touccchhhh woooooddddd.... in that case, i shall pull kristen, martin n op together.... then 4 of us shall stay in a bachelor apartment... ahahahahaha.... touch wood btw.. not that lucky..... maybe should invite chris and ran together.... ahahhaha..... there's a big possibilites......

for mel, i think she will be the first one to get marry.... suitable to be a housewife as well.... mel, you can't deny that....

oh btw vina, do you remember during hillsong conference, you and wendy were laughing when i'm sitting in the wheelchair.... break my heart, 'pring piang' so, i'm thinking, in future when u give birth, i'll be standing beside and keep you accompany, while you're screaming, i'll do funny faces...... k, faster get married.... oh btw, for daniel, hm.... i have to say, u will be a good husband and a good house'wife' ahahahahaha..... eh btw, i reckon you and ryan lim will be a good couple doooo.... hahahahaha...... kk, sorry.... blek..... you know, sometimes you have to forgive small sara..... still in the childish stage.... ok, c u guys in 3 months time.... at that time, u will see a brand new sara.... maybe even more naughty...... ahahahaha....

ps: i don't know why, in the beggining i was planning to say something serious, but in the end all gone =.= i have to admit, i'm hypo random @.@ well, this is who i am.....

fear

2007-11-20T19:51:00.000-08:00

still remember for the past 9 months, whenever i wake up, i was bless with happiness, smile, and joy.... brand new day with a brand new life...... but now a days, after the stupid exam..... every morning, whenever i'm awake, i was bless with fear, insecure and panic..... i miss my life, i miss my smile, i miss my happiness and my joy.... pls God, i want to pass my exam, don't feel like sitting the stupid chemistry again..... oh btw, can you give me back my gigantic appetite T.T now a days, after the stupid exam, the most i can eat for my dinner is only 5 piece of sushi.... geez..... i miss my appetite..... give me back..... i can't eat buffet anymore..... NO...... but anyway, look at the bright side, maybe i get to reduce my weight..... ahahaha...... fair enough.....

ok, 2 more days to go, and on friday i will know whether should i take the stupid exam or not.... God, pls bring me miracle..... i need miracle.... i want miracle...... pretty pretty pls.....

oh btw, special thanks to martin, op and kristen for taking care of me when i'm very very depress... it's really meant a lot... esp i really need someone at that time..... thank u so much.... i love u guys...... ok, minasan, gambatesimas...... taz....

why stress????

2007-11-19T18:49:00.000-08:00

why stress??? why? why will stress occur? is because you tell yourself that you are stress.... thats's why you feel stress.... always remember, stress will only come and find you when you tell yourself that you are stress.... life will be meaningful and full of joyfull when you tell yourself that you are happy and you will live everyday in a happy life.... there's a choice between happy and stress... whether you choose to live a life that full of stress or live in a life that full of joy.... So, you're not stress, is just that you want yourself to be stress..... If you can't control stress, why do you care about those things that make you feel stress??

If you don't feel happy, is the burden matters to you now??? stress and depress is the worst thing in the world..... it takes away all your joyful life..... so if you don't even bother about having joy or happiness, why do you still bother about stress???

see through the sky, open up the window, ask yourself..... when is the last time you look up to the sky and see it clearly? everytime, when i feel stress, i love to look at the sky, but is the weather before it rain, so you can see dark clouds covering up the bright one.... i get peace from that.... do whatever you feel like doing it..... sing a song, make yourself feel happy, plan something, as in picture something in future that will make you feel happy, go on a talk with your friend and blast out everything.... don't keep it by yourself... always remember, you are a human, there's a limit beyond the extreme, so don't keep it but share it.... and don't forget, God had already plan a journey and destiny for you, what's matter, is the process that you get to the destiny whether is in a smooth lane, or in a difficult lane that full of traps that pulls you down... but no matter what, you will still get there...

ps: read bible, (matthew 6:25-34)